And then you’ll see what life is all about in my family’s fast lane 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with never a chance for me to finish my list, remove my load of responsibility that I shoulder mostly alone, or sleep a peaceful night of sleep oblivious to care and concern.
You see, most of us are parents, many of us are single parents, and a few of us have more than a handful of kids, which makes us extra frazzled parents. We all walk in our own shoes, chosen for our individualized walk through life, whether they be heels, running shoes, cowboy boots, flip flops, steel toe work boots, or those incredibly comfortable ballet flats! And truth be told, all of us eventually find our favorite style of shoe and tend to wear them a lot — each carving our own paths in life one step at a time as the soles of those favorites slowly wear through with life’s experiences.
As parents, because there is no manual on how to do it all “right,” we must find our way on our own through trial and error. We consult with friends, family, the lady in line in front of us at the grocery store, fellow school moms, and neighbors. We learn as we go and use other’s tips to form our favorite parenting “style,” much like our favorite shoe style.
I believe that all parents should reach out and encourage other parents, share tips, mistakes, fears, and triumphs. In life, it’s through communication and caring that we gain knowledge — in parenting and in all other areas of living. By hearing and sharing, it makes us better, more refined parents. Other’s opinions and advice along with our own past and convictions form who we become as individuals and as parents.
The part that concerns me is the fact that once I became a parent I began to notice how not all “advice” that came from parents or people in general was constructive. Some opinions were “judgements” and they felt harsh and mean. Many people impart their opinions without apology and without full knowledge of the situation as if they have walked in my chosen shoes and have taken each and every painful step that I have taken! This is disturbing to me because criticism is not helpful or advantageous to anyone and can be especially damaging to well meaning parents.
Harsh opinions break down that very individualized and crucial barrier and causes parents to say “am I doing it all wrong?” “Have I made all wrong choices?” This fuels the infamous bouts of “mommy guilt” or “daddy guilt” that so many parents suffer through. It turns the amazing worldwide parental bond into a parental contest and war and I must admit, it disheartened me as a new parent. Fortunately, in most cases, as we become more “seasoned” parents, we learn to wade through those critical darts shot at each of us. We develop a thickened skin and save our weapons only for those “mother bear” (or “father bear”) moments.
It’s time for all of us to make a change whereby all parents truly stick together! Period! No more contests, no more darts; just support, help, and concern for each other!
I may wear heels and you may choose to wear comfortable flats. How refreshing to have a conversation about our different shoe styles — you not understanding how I walk in heels and I can’t understand how flats are more preferable for your walk down life’s paths. We agree to disagree on those things realizing that our individual choices work for us. We respect each other’s choices. Certainly if I am not walking in your “flat shoes” and you’re not walking on my “stilts,” how can we make judgement or point the finger at one another?
The same applies to parenting. Give advice, hold back criticism, agree to disagree when necessary and move on!
If everyone took this idea to heart, it could change the world! (Heck, if it only improved Twitter, the world would be a kinder place!)
I’ll see you out there… And, yes, I’ll be wearing my heels as usual!
xoxo
K8
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